You know that Jason Mraz song "I Won't Give Up", It makes me cry. Not only because its a beautiful song, but because I get it.
Normally I wouldn't talk about my marriage here, but sometimes I feel it important to open up a little bit. Life is hard and others should know they aren't alone, because when you are losing your marriage it is one of the most lonely places on the planet even when you have a very supportive circle of friends and family.
I pour my cup of coffee in the morning and I feel alone. I feel alone even with two of the cutest most perfect human beings running around. They complete me, but I know that my husband and I are at a crossroads. We have been stuck at that crossroads for a long time, not sure what way to go. We both keep looking down both paths and we just aren't sure which to choose. We both pull back and turn around and keep going back down the same path that we have been on for the past few years.
That isn't an answer. It is time for us to choose a path. For us and for our girls.
You see when you meet each other at a young age and get married young you grow up together. You find yourselves together and sometimes you become people that don't grow into the same types of people.
I hope and pray that we find what we both are looking for and that it ends up that we find it in each other, but if it doesn't I know that my husband is a wonderful man, a good father and a good provider. My girls will be okay. I will be okay and he will be okay.
It is time for me not to feel that loneliness anymore. I am not saying we are going to get divorced or separated. I am just saying a path has to be taken. Something has to be done.
I saw someone somewhere explaining how things should be in a marriage and it was very, very enlightening for me. When your wife or husband is upset about something, even if other people wouldn't be upset about that one thing, that is all that matters. You have to work with your significant other to make it work, to fix that problem, even if it wouldn't be a problem in another marriage.
Something else that opened my eyes is something our counseler has told me, "Jenny, You both have to want it"
How simple is that.
It is true. You can't work on problems if you don't want the end result.
Now don't get me wrong there is nothing going on with us that is a make it or break it type moment and maybe that is what is so hard. We have been with each other for 13 years. We have known each other since I was 19. We have two little girls that are filled with perfection and happiness.
However, maybe I am being selfish in saying that we both should be happy too!
So pray for us as we decide on what path we are going to travel down.
"'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up" ~Jason Mraz